Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I had to walk to school, uphill both ways, in the snow... with NO shoes.

I swear.... I feel like that is what TTC is like for those of us suffering from IF.

There are so many steps, it is exhausting.

First you try something that is as least invasive as possible.
Then if that does not work, you get more aggressive.

Then the way you define happiness becomes screwy... many "normal" women get happy when they are pregnant. We think: WOW, I got three follies for my IUI. It did not work, but it was still a good cycle.

Or: WOW: we got 15 eggs! I did not get pregnant, but at least I have a few frozen embies!

or, like last week: Well, there is a pregnancy in your uterus. We can't tell much more. You will have to wait two more agonizing weeks and we will see if there is a heart beat. Me: Well, at least it is not another ectopic, so I am really happy.

Seriously? I am really happy that I have a "Maybe" pregnancy?
WTH? That is ridiculous.

I just want to be normal.

Every step in this process feels like walking uphill both ways. Yesterday I was encouraged because I gagged and almost threw up while driving to work. I *think* I am feeling some morning sickness (Or, I want to be pregnant so badly, I am making myself sick).

But, encouragement soon faded when I got the call that my progesterone had dropped and I had to up my PIO ( which I have seemed to develop an allergic reaction to, BTW).

I am tired.
I just want to know.

12 comments:

theworms said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
theworms said...

One more week cutie and then some answers, praying it comes quickly.

I hate how much you have had to go through but this is finally it for you and DH. It has to be, you wore lucky sucks :)

GL, GL, GL!!!!

and some ((HUGS))

sorry about dd, I had a typo

jlynn said...

Praying you soon have your answers and that this little one has snuggled in for the long haul!

You are overdue for some happiness :) (((hugs)))

Fran said...

oh sweetie...I know te anguish of the wait...big hugs, it'll go well this time, I've everything crossed for you! Fran

Noelle said...

This must be a very hard time for you. Keep your chin up. Your answer is coming soon. I hope that it is a wonderful answer.

Rebekah said...

Hang in there. Not too much longer now. I had to increase my PIO as well, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. Continuing to pray! ((hugs))

Nicole said...

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. What does your RE say about your PIO reaction? The u/s day cannot come soon enough. My fFingers are crossed for you...

Christina said...

These two weeks will be the longest of your life, but I hope they end with some amazing news and a beautiful heartbeat. Good luck!

Cathy said...

I hope next week you get some good news and get to leave beta hell.

Who knew normal would sound so damn amazing, huh?

Mrs. Rabbit said...

I'm sorry I hope you have some good news soon!

Blessed said...

Oh, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I truly hope all goes well and that you'll soon be posting an u/s pic.

Merri said...

i know this process is hard, and that the waiting sucks. i'm sending you tons of good vibes. i think the gagging is a very good sign. and, don't worry too much about the progesterone issue. you'll up your PIOs and everything will be ok.

thinking of you, as always.