Friday, June 26, 2009

Outta here!

I am up, headed to weigh in at JC ( not sure why, I guess so I can know how much I gain on my vacay!) and then I am hitting the gym.

I want to get a mani, pack a few last minute things, and then we are leaving for the airport at 1:00!

I am a little nervous as they are forecasting for some kickass storms here in NY, so hopefully we won't be delayed too long!

Be well everyone. See you when I get back!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


I am heaving a huge sigh of relief; tomorrow is my last day of school!

I have some time off and I plan to work on me. 

So, here are some of my goals:
1.  Get in shape to run a road race in the fall.
2.  Lose the rest of my IF weight ( about 25ish pounds).
3. Read
4. Enjoy time with friends
5. Enjoy cocktails by my pool!
6.  Enjoy my marriage.
7.  Figure out where the hell we are going next in this crazy quest to become parents. 

Of course this all starts when we get back from our Kickass trip to California!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Social Misfits.....

When R and I first met, we both had tons of friends.  We both were pretty social people, who would go out often.  When we met, people told us we were a match made in heaven because we were both known for being funny and out going people- both of us, the life of the party.

Fast forward to many years later and I am sitting here,  totally procrastinating getting in the  shower because we have to go to a party tonight.   

So, why have things changed?  How, you ask, can that fun couple be dreading a party?

The answer is simple, so simple it is one word.


Infertility has taken may things from me: The hope of being surprised that I am pregnant.  Heck, who am I kidding, it has taken the hope that I will ever remain pregnant.  It has taken my waistline, the ability to fit into my size six jeans, my money, my time, sex ( ironic, right?), privacy, and the focus of today's avoidance: my social graces.

R and I were talking about this before and we both agreed.  What the hell do we have to add to any conversations?  We will be the only childless couple there.  Everyone will be talking about their kids... as they should be because their kids are their lives.  

So, really, what about our life do we have to share?  How can we possibly answer the question, "what is new with you two?"  Well, answer it truthfully, anyway.  Any kind of candor would surely be a buzz kill, no?

And that is the point.  I feel like I run out of things to  say to people once we get past the polite chit-chat.  I don't want to hear about their kids/pregnancies/family vacations.  That is awful, but I am just not in a good place with all of that.  So, like a social freak of nature, I run away from any type of meaningful conversation.  

So, we'll go and try to pretend we are not the social pariahs that we feel like and , like always, by the end of the evening,  it will be R and I sitting in the corner, sipping a glass of wine and wishing that things were different. 

NOT having a baby changes everything.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Since you were all waiting on the edge of your seat....

For this update....
AF showed today.

I can finally, completely shed the ugliness and sadness that has ben my life these past few months.

Here's to moving forward....

Monday, June 15, 2009

WTF... AF is MIA.

    This is a whiney, whiney, post.   Turn away if you must.

I am so damn crampy.  I had the mother of all cramps driving to work today... I thought for sure  when I got there, I would have AF!   NOPE!

I am just tired of feeling like crap.  I hate this and I feel like I have been banned to the eternal damnation of PMS.

Dramatic, yes.

Do I care,  Nope.

I am getting pissier as the days go by.

Can't a girl catch a break?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


My SIL's baby shower is Sunday.  Ugh.
I have not really seen any of the older aunts and such since Brother and SIL's wedding in August. (yes, they got KU the first month trying)

I wonder how many of these I will hear:

"So... they just got married... when are you and R having kids?"

"Wow... we have been waiting for your announcement"

"Are you pregnant yet?"

If they ask the last one... I might have to throw down, seeing as I have been dieting my ass off. 

Well, at least I did not really like anything on their registry.  

I am so going to HELL.

Shoot me now, please.