When R and I first met, we both had tons of friends. We both were pretty social people, who would go out often. When we met, people told us we were a match made in heaven because we were both known for being funny and out going people- both of us, the life of the party.
Fast forward to many years later and I am sitting here, totally procrastinating getting in the shower because we have to go to a party tonight.
So, why have things changed? How, you ask, can that fun couple be dreading a party?
The answer is simple, so simple it is one word.
Infertility.
Infertility has taken may things from me: The hope of being surprised that I am pregnant. Heck, who am I kidding, it has taken the hope that I will ever remain pregnant. It has taken my waistline, the ability to fit into my size six jeans, my money, my time, sex ( ironic, right?), privacy, and the focus of today's avoidance: my social graces.
R and I were talking about this before and we both agreed. What the hell do we have to add to any conversations? We will be the only childless couple there. Everyone will be talking about their kids... as they should be because their kids are their lives.
So, really, what about our life do we have to share? How can we possibly answer the question, "what is new with you two?" Well, answer it truthfully, anyway. Any kind of candor would surely be a buzz kill, no?
And that is the point. I feel like I run out of things to say to people once we get past the polite chit-chat. I don't want to hear about their kids/pregnancies/family vacations. That is awful, but I am just not in a good place with all of that. So, like a social freak of nature, I run away from any type of meaningful conversation.
So, we'll go and try to pretend we are not the social pariahs that we feel like and , like always, by the end of the evening, it will be R and I sitting in the corner, sipping a glass of wine and wishing that things were different.
NOT having a baby changes everything.
