Saturday, June 20, 2009

Social Misfits.....

When R and I first met, we both had tons of friends.  We both were pretty social people, who would go out often.  When we met, people told us we were a match made in heaven because we were both known for being funny and out going people- both of us, the life of the party.

Fast forward to many years later and I am sitting here,  totally procrastinating getting in the  shower because we have to go to a party tonight.   

So, why have things changed?  How, you ask, can that fun couple be dreading a party?

The answer is simple, so simple it is one word.


Infertility has taken may things from me: The hope of being surprised that I am pregnant.  Heck, who am I kidding, it has taken the hope that I will ever remain pregnant.  It has taken my waistline, the ability to fit into my size six jeans, my money, my time, sex ( ironic, right?), privacy, and the focus of today's avoidance: my social graces.

R and I were talking about this before and we both agreed.  What the hell do we have to add to any conversations?  We will be the only childless couple there.  Everyone will be talking about their kids... as they should be because their kids are their lives.  

So, really, what about our life do we have to share?  How can we possibly answer the question, "what is new with you two?"  Well, answer it truthfully, anyway.  Any kind of candor would surely be a buzz kill, no?

And that is the point.  I feel like I run out of things to  say to people once we get past the polite chit-chat.  I don't want to hear about their kids/pregnancies/family vacations.  That is awful, but I am just not in a good place with all of that.  So, like a social freak of nature, I run away from any type of meaningful conversation.  

So, we'll go and try to pretend we are not the social pariahs that we feel like and , like always, by the end of the evening,  it will be R and I sitting in the corner, sipping a glass of wine and wishing that things were different. 

NOT having a baby changes everything.


Deanna said...


I think we could quite possibly all be social misfits. I have nothing of excitement to contribute, we do not go on family vacations. I love my kids, and yes they take over your life, but I am not very willing to only converse about them in mixed company, especially if I am uncertain if there are not people in similar situations.

Don't worry, we all suffer in silent despair...can I be unboring enough to last out the night...

Melissa said...

We struggle with that as well. Especially as we deal with taking care of parents and still not have any kids. I never know what to do or say. I hate how infertility put a gray cloud over everything else. And I hate the stupid advice about getting a pet or traveling more....hugs. hope you have a good time anyway.

J said...

I know exactly what you mean. I just got back from a girls' beach trip to FL, which usually would be a lot of fun--if it weren't for the non-stop baby gabbing. Of course, I'm the only one without kids, so I had nothing to contribute. Sometimes you just have to make yourself go for dh's sake, but it sure does suck. Hugs

Me said...

You, of course, are right. I have ONE friend left who isn't pg or already have kid(s). They are single and a conspiracy theorist (so I doubt that familial relations will ever find them). It is ROUGH to go to social functions and be the ONLY one there without familial musings. *sigh* Wouldja believe I have friends who have had TWO in the time we've been trying to have one? The frustration just gets OLD.

Noelle said...

I can totally relate to your post. We are at the age now where everyone has kids. It used to be cute for my husband and I to talk about our vacations and our dogs, and now I see just how different we are. I didn't notice it until my miscarriage, and now I don't even want to go to any functions. We are the weird old couple without any kids. I have a fourth of July barbeque in which to attend, and I am so dreading it. Two of the girls have newborns, and everyone will be gushing over them. Annoying. Makes me sad.