Saturday, August 22, 2009

Always a bridesmaid...

Before R and I met, I had already been a bridesmaid something like 10 times. I was always happy with my life during these times, but I know I muttered many a "always the bridesmaid; never a bride" to myself- Usually while sitting in a dress that never quite fit right.

Well, this week, I became an aunt... for the 5th time.

I love my new niece to pieces. I really am over any bitterness towards my SIL ( see blog posts in January for reference), and I am over the fact that R and I have been TTC since before brother and SIL even knew each other( well, okay, I am mostly over that), and that they were going to use our boy name ( thank goodness they had a girl!)

But... that familiar feeling, that oh-so-familiar feeling, of life moving forward for every one else... seems to be ever-present lately.

I feel like I am still sitting here in my ugly, steel- gray bridesmaid dress.

Always an aunt...

5 comments:

Noelle said...

I also feel like life is moving forward for everyone else. I have to sit and watch everyone else's happiness, while I sit in my mud and wonder when my family will start. I am getting to the point where I am embarrassed. People have stopped asking when we are going to have children. I pray that you will no longer be the "bridesmaid" and that you will get to wear your beautiful "wedding dress" sometime in the near future.

Shanny said...

I completely understand where you are coming from, I'm also in the "always an aunt" category, it sucks.
Big hugs to you, I hope this all changes in the near future for you!

J said...

Google Reader suggested your blog to me...glad I found it.
I read back on your entries and many of them reminded me of going through my miscarriage (we lost our little Sprout at 15 weeks). I waited and waited for my beta to go down. I went every week to the hospital. Just recently we started trying again. Our first try, we were pregnant again, but only for a few days...I feel for your yearning and understand. I am surrounding you in Love and Light.

Wait, What? said...

I can relate!!! DH and I dated for 3 years before getting engaged.... and I watched a lot of friends who dated for less time get married in the interim. Now the same thing is happening with baby. Bah!

http://waitwhatbabies.blogspot.com/

Rachel said...

I am so sorry :( I know exactly how you feel. My sister got pg and gave birth twice before we even got pg. It was so hard. EVen though you love the children, you just want one too.

HUGS.