Sunday, November 22, 2009

Feeling guilty...

I feel so blessed that we have made it this far in this pregnancy. Particularly with our weird betas and the bleeding scare of last weekend. I still can't believe this is my life.

But, I am sick. Really sick. I never deluded myself into thinking that just because I suffered from IF that I would not hate feeling sick, but now that it is happening, I feel guilty. On the one hand, I am really glad that I feel something... it is reassuring.

But, I have rotated between the couch, the bathroom, and my bed... since Thursday night. I could not stop throwing up long enough to get my act together to go to work on Friday.

Last night, I was so violently ill, I seriously think that I pulled a muscle getting sick.

Nothing helps and I can't keep anything down. I keep obsessing over dehydrating and the massive headache I have tells me that I am on my way.

I feel like the only thing I should feel is joy... and I do... but I feel so guilty that I feel so miserable.

13 comments:

Hopeful34 said...

Hey Kelly! Don't feel guilty about being miserable because your sick!! Just because you went through IF doesn't mean you want to be sick. It's ok to be upset. I hope you feel better really soon :)I think zofran or something like that can be prescribed for you. I know i'll be taking it when i get pregnant because i hate throwing up and feeling sick. I cry everytime. It's a horrible feeling. So please don't feel guilty. I wish you could enjoy your pregnancy more and when this passes you will!!! Feel better!

Anna J said...

Don't feel guilty! You have every right to experience every emotion that a woman feels during pregnancy... joy, fear, exhaustion.. What I have learned through our IF journey is that life is never pure joy! there is always something bittersweet.. you get pregnant- joy, physical ailments fallow- not so much joy. For me personally, we lost both of our dogs early in this(our first) pregnancy. I am pg with B/G twins and our dogs were such a blessing and comfort to us for the 7+ years that I was not able to conceive. People actually said I was losing two blessings to gain two more.. Was I not supposed to ache for losing our puppies?! Was I only supposed to be able to experience the joy of actually being pregnant? Feel what you feel, just remember to be thankful, and God will give you strength to endure the very hardest parts of pregnancy. My prayers remain that you are cuddling a baby in 8 months~! You have nothing to feel guilty for, don't let it invade this experience. :)

Christina said...

The best part about being sick is knowing that it will (hopefully) be over soon. Don't feel bad or guilty; getting sick sucks and it doesn't matter how long you've been trying or how much you've paid for treatments--it just sucks. Eat when you can, drink when you can, and if it's interfering with your daily life, see your doctor about getting that medicine for morning sickness. You will feel better soon, and remember, these are all GREAT SIGNS that a beautiful baby is growing inside of you and that your body is doing EXACTLY what it is supposed to do :)

Nicole said...

If you are seriously worried about dehydration you need to get to the hospital and get some fluids pumped into you.
Don't feel badly about hating being sick- no matter how welcome the symptoms are it doesn't make them fun. Have you asked your doctor for something for that? I hope you get feeing better!

Bluebird said...

Been there, honey :) It is so hard. And the emotions of guilt and "should's" only make it worse! So hoping you get some relief soon. In the meantime, wine and vent all you need to - it totally sucks!

stacey said...

It's hard not to feel guilty, but try not to dwell on it. Pregnancy symptoms suck-there is no doubt about that, and it doesn't matter WHAT you went through to get to this point, no one wants to feel miserable. Your nauseau/vomiting sounds pretty darn bad. Maybe get a script from your OB to help manage it?

Tara (psychmusetls) said...

don't feel guilty... no one likes feeling sick, even though it's something you want.

feel better soon my love!

MJ said...

Being sick is miserable, pregnant or not. Don't feel guilty because you're hating it. May I suggest asking your doc for a RX for Zofran. It really helps with nausea and you can take it being pregnant.

Kitty said...

Don't feel guilty at all!!! Nobody wants to be sick regardless of the reason.

I am so happy for you that this is working out!

Cathy said...

What have you tried? I've heard people swear by B6 and unisom.

Don't feel guilty! Nobody wants to feel sick.

Shanny said...

Ohh, hope you feel better soon so you can keep enjoying this awesome pregnancy! Don't feel guilty, you are allowed =)

Fran said...

I think you may really need some help if you fee so sick, what did the doctors at the clinic say? when is your next scan? Love, Fran

Addy said...

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. This is something I also struggle with. A very good friend of mine reminded me that pregnancy is hard. It's not easy to puke your guts out and have no end in sight or to have migraines that are so severe you can sleep all night and you still have it when you wake up. The dizziness, queasiness, icky feeling. It does pass though! (This is my mantra. "Today I am pregnant. I love my babies. I go through this for them and the sick will pass.")
My RE gave me Zofran today but I tried Seabands all week. They hurt your wrists but they really helped. Cream soda also worked wonders with the little bit of caffeine yet the light taste.
I hope you feel better soon!!