If things were ever easy, I'm not sure what I would do with myself.

      Reeling.  That is the word the best describes how I feel this weekend.  I have slept non-stop as this past week simply exhausted me.   Thanks to the BCPs for IVF #2, my emotions seem to be getting the  better of me these days.  I apologize in advance if this post seems more "whiney" than usual.

   So, CD3 appointment was last Thursday afternoon.  Since I went in the afternoon, I did not get my results until Friday afternoon.  Friday was a horrible day at work as 7 teachers in my building alone were let go.  It was awful and I was very distracted as I drove home;I forgot to check my VM right away.  I went home and picked up  R as he and I were taking a weekend grad class. It was not until we were on our way to class, I remembered to check said VM.

FSH=12.    12.  I am 34 and my FSH=12.

I was devastated.  Of course it was after hours, so I could not call.  We then went to class, getting stuck at the table with a pregnant lady and bunch of new parents.  I am sure you can imagine the table conversations. Did I mention that this class was Fri. night, ALL day Saturday and ALL day Sunday.  Jesus.

Fast forward to Tuesday night.  I get a call from Freedom Pharmacy. " Sorry, you order can't be put through, your coverage was denied".  Now, I do not have coverage for IVF, but I was lucky enough to have med coverage ( as, if interpreted one way, is mandated my NYS law.)

So, after many phone calls and me sobbing on the phone to complete strangers, what it comes down to is this:  My school district changed RX providers as of Jan 1st.  Although our coverage did not change, per se, my new provider interprets the language regarding drug coverage and IVF differently than my old provider.  So,  semantics has left me w/o drug coverage. 

I did manage to get an emergency override for the drugs that were ordered, but that is it, any refills and future cycles- all OOP.

There is some board meeting about my case in March, and I did speak to my union,  as this  is a change of coverage for me ( and a change of coverage was not agreed upon when we switched), but we all know how this will turn out.

I know I should focus on the fact that some of my meds are covered this time, but let's be honest, after almost 3 years at this, I am still not pg.  Nothing has worked. What if this IVF does not work? Ya know with my FSH being 12 and all.  I don't think we can afford to cycle again with paying for the meds, too.  

I just feel defeated.  

So here I sit; reeling from the events of the past week.  Reeling, exhausted, and well, just plain sad.