Saturday, July 4, 2009

A clear head and a big step.

Well, first of all, Happy 4th of July!

On holidays, I always tend to think about where I was the year before. I do remember that last year at this time, I was on day two of stimming for IVF#1. Oh, such innocence; if I had only known what the year would have in store for me.

So here I sit, sipping my coffee at 6:30 in the morning, I think the cats are happy that we are back from vacation... so happy that they wanted me up this early!

Speaking of vacation.... the word heavenly does not even do it justice. We had SUCH an amazing time. San Francisco was incredible; we saw just about every square inch of the city! Then we headed to Sonoma and Napa and we visited wineries, ate great food, and sipped amazing wine. Most importantly, we were us again. Just R and K. There were no worries, no stressors, no sadness. We simply enjoyed being the couple we once were- and that was pretty fantastic. Now, we have two glorious months off to continue to recharge! The weather is supposed to be in the 80's here today.... so I will FINALLY get in my pool!

Despite our respite from the throes of infertility, we did actually take a pretty big step. Although it may sound like no big deal- it is for us.

I made contact with an adoption agency.

In the last month, we have done a lot of soul searching. Now if children are not in the cards for us, I know we will still be a happy couple. This past week certainly solidified that in both of our minds. I feel incredibly blessed with an amazing marriage that is truly a partnership where we just adore each other and so enjoy each other's company.

But... we want to have a family. And one thing I have started to realize is how we get to our family is starting to matter less and less. Don't get me wrong, I long to carry a child. I long to rub my swollen pregnant belly, and I would give anything to give birth to a child that R and I created, but... we want to have a family. So, although I am not entirely sure this is a direction we will move in, it is a huge step for us. We still will have all of our testing done, we'll talk to our RE, and we will continue to weigh our options. But... I feel happy as I no longer feel adoption is our "last option".

Perhaps it is a new beginning.

We'll see.


Merri said...

kelly, good luck with whatever direction this takes you.

mark and i are currently discussing the possibility of looking into international adoption.

K8e said...

GL! It sounds like this was a great vacation for you! I have never been to CA, but have always wanted to!

Are you looking to adopt internationally or from the US? That is a really big step! I am happy that you are finding some peace with everything! You deserve it! I know you will get your baby!

Have a lovely Fourth!

Rebecca said...

GL to you.
It is a big step, i remember when we made our first step. It is every emotion you could possibly think of. But now, we know having a child is a matter of 'when' and not 'IF'. KWIM?

I'm so glad you had a fabulous vacation and got the important time together.

JackieMac said...

I am so glad you had a nice vacation - you so deserve it. Enjoy your break and your pool.

Kristen said...

I'm so glad that your vacation was so wonderful in so many ways.

As John and I are too talking the adoption route, I'm glad to know I will have someone to consult and talk to, if you do decide to go that route. Whatever you do, you know I'll be here to support you!

theworms said...

Sounds like a great vacation, it is nice to feel "normal" after all the IF hell.

GL with whatever route you choose, you and R will be amazing parents.