Saturday, October 17, 2009

Trying not to obsess.....

Well...
We are currently 5 days past a 5 day transfer ( It might even be 6 since they were frozen on day 6).

I am trying my absolute best to not obsess. I have definitely been crampy and tired, but those are all things that can be contributed to the PIO injections... so, who knows!

What is hard, it I keep finding myself imagining this really working this time...I mean really working. I keep imagining my first u/s going beautifully, instead of a disaster like last time. I keep imagining being able to tell our families on Thanksgiving. I keep imagining my growing belly and setting up a nursery.

While these are all lovely thoughts... I am petrified that I have this much hope. If Wednesday rolls around, and my beta is negative, I am going to be crushed. Worse even, let's say we get a BFP, what if we have another miscarriage? That will simply devastate R and me.

It was easier before the transfer.. .I had a wall up and such a "whatever happens" attitude. But now, now that we have actually transferred our embryos back... it is getting harder and harder to deny just how badly I want this. I want us to start our family. I want a child. Even if this is the only child we are ever able to have...

So much for trying not to obsess... Wednesday can't some fast enough...

12 comments:

kim said...

I have been thinking about you. I just know you will get good news. Hang in there!

RV said...

I hope things work for you this time! Don't they say that visualizing is the first step to success? That if you visualize your goals, they will happen? Have fun dreaming, and I can't wait for you to post your BFP!

jessica56 said...

Thinking of you and hoping for BIG numbers on wed! Keep thinking positive!

Nicole said...

Oh honey, I know how you feel. It's such a catch-22 because you want to protect yourself emotionally, but at the same time hope is the only thing that convinces someone to do IVF...
Good luck with the 2ww! Somebody posted a list of TIPS TO SURVIVE THE TWO WEEK WAIT, but I can't remember who, so here is another way to find that info:
"RESOLVE has also developed tips for Surviving the Two Week Wait. It is available to you at no cost. For this information and more, please contact the RESOLVE HelpLine, 888-623-0744, Monday through Friday 9am-4pm ET and Monday evenings 7pm-10pm ET or email us at info@resolve.org"

GOOD LUCK!! I hope you do get to decorate that nursery in a few months :)

leira said...

Lovey, thinking of you and praying for you both. I admire your strength, faith and courage.

Merri said...

sweetie, i know this is hard. the more bad cycles we have under our belts, the worse the 2 ww goes. just keep thinking positively. remember, you have gotten pregnant before, and now you guys have more information moving forward with this cycle. like someone else said, try and keep your eyes on the prize.

i'm crossing everything for you and i expect you to have a nice solid beta come wednesday. you definitely deserve to move forward, and i know that everyone is pulling for you and dh!

Hopeful34 said...

Kelly..having positive thoughts is a good thing. Everything i read says to be positive because it has totally different affect on your cycle. This is going to be your sticky baby...keep up the positive thinking. Remember that old saying Love like you've never been hurt? Try to apply this same thinking. I know it's hard after all you've been through. I am praying for a sticky BFP for you and your hubby. GL Wednesday!!!

TreasureHunter said...

Try not to let those negative thoughts in. Good luck on Wednesday!!

Aliki said...

You're in my thoughts, Kelly!

xoxo,
Nestie Aliki

Cathy said...

I know it sometimes hurts to have hope, but I'm still hopeful for you that this is IT.

Shanny said...

I'm thinking of you! Good luck on Wednesday!

Tabitha said...

I feel your pain darling, I have my beta on Wednesday as well. I did a transfer on 10/13, so I'm right next to you. I'm praying this is it for both of us!