We did a FET in November. We went down for the ET with 7 embryos frozen. I was feeling good as I thought "Hey, if this does not work, at least we still have a bunch more frozen."
Well, not so much. It was an awful experience, when we got there, they sent us out telling us to go get lunch; the embryos had not been thawed yet. ( suspicious) We came back in an hour only to wait and hour and a half longer. When the Dr. came in, she informed us that 5 of our 7 embryos died.
I was devastated, I pretty much cried through the ET and just knew in my heart there was no way that cycle was going to result in a BFP. Well, I was right about that.
I know, rationally, that November's FET has nothing to do with today's ET. But I can't help feeling the way I do. It is like the further you get into this, the more treatments you do, the less hope you have left. It chips away at your innocence, so to speak. Now, it is a matter of self-preservation- you steel yourself just in case there is another blow coming. I remember the wide-eyed excitement and awe I felt during my first IVF. Of course it was going to work- I did not even take into consideration that it wouldn't. I wish I could re-capture some of that positivity- but it is just too dangerous because sometimes- it doesn't work.
So, hopefully we will be greeted with good news when we get there. I hope all goes smoothly and I will try my best for the next week to stay positive that this will work. I need to try to shake any negativity that I feel. But, I am a realist and if this is not our time, I just pray I have the strength to get through it.
1 comment:
Hugs. I pray that your transfer goes perfectly
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