I honestly do not know how I feel. I remember the weekend before my beta for IVF#1, I had what I imagine a panic attack must be like. I just got so freaked out that it did not work.
For my FET debacle, after losing 5 embryos in the thaw... I did not have much faith that it had worked, so I never really had any hope... I was not counting on good news anyway.
This time, well, I have been surprisingly calm. No major freakouts ( although the day is still young) and I feel like the best way to describe how I feel is indifferent. I know there is no reason for it to NOT work, but after all this time, I also have a hard time imagining a call where the dr tells me I have wonderful beta and I am indeed safely pregnant. It scares me a bit that I feel that way as maybe on some level, deep down, I already know that perhaps being parents is not in the cards for us.
Anyway... I guess I need to give it up to God at this point and hope that he feels I have been tested enough and am ready for some goodness. I hope so as it has been a really long 3 years.
So, I am going to Spring clean like crazy today; windows, curtains... you name it, I'll clean it.
At least it will keep me occupied.
4 comments:
You have handled this like a champ! (I am the panic attack kind of girl.)
Hang in there! I am praying so hard for good news for you tomorrow!
That's my kind of girl! I used to be a cleaning freak at times of anxiety. . . I'm hoping I can get back to that place - its much more productive that my current "just shut down" mode :)
Not dramatic or cheesy at all. This is big stuff. Thinking of you...
Thinking of you and hoping to hear wonderful news from you today!!! (You've been such a trooper!)
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