Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My poor husband's affliction...

     From the time I have known my h and I am sure for far longer than our history together, he has been blessed and cursed with a horrible affliction: eternal optimism.  

   Last Wednesday after our u/s where we were unable to see a sac, the poor man looked more broken than I have ever seen a person look.  I was not sure who felt worse as we walked hand in hand and in tears out of the RE's office.  I know he was obviously upset as this is our child but I think what really brought him down was the fact that it truly NEVER occurred to him that something could go wrong. I was a nervous wreck going to the appointment; God bless him, but he never even entertained any negative thoughts.  

     So, when we did see a sac on Friday, even after all of the sadness of the days prior, do you know that the man actually has hope now?  He is convinced that it was just too early.  He thinks that if were were a "normal" pregnant couple, we would not have gone in for an u/s so early and we would be fine right now.  

We could not be more opposite in this respect.

    I, on the other hand, am petrified to hold even a shred of hope.  Of course I am praying like crazy for a miracle, for the surprise of a healthy sac and the amazing sound of a heartbeat next friday. But to actually HOPE it happens; unfathomable. 

      His affliction is part of what makes him such a beautiful person.  I would not change it or anything in the world.  I just fear what it will do to him if we do not receive good news next week.


MJ said...

I am so sorry, there is still some hope so try not to lose it all. It is completely understandable with everything you've gone through to feel the way you do.



Hopeful34 said...

Kelly I am praying for you and your DH. I can't imagine how you feel right now I hope the next week and a half go by fast. I agree with your dh. It could have been too early to see anything. Have faith and try not to worry too much as stress hurts your body is so many ways. I know that is easier said than done. Try some at home meditation or yoga to relieve some the stress.

kim said...

Still praying...