Thursday, April 9, 2009

Sigh...

I don't even know what to say, think or feel. 

On Tuesday, I had a little pain on my left side, but it went away fairly quickly.  The same thing happened yesterday morning, but again, it went away.  It was until 11:00ish last night that my stomach was killing me.  It was pretty intolerable; it felt pretty similar to when my appendix burst.  
    I told R that we needed to get to the ER and off we went.  By the time we got there, I honestly thought I was going to die the pain was so bad; I was actually wishing I would pass out.  

Finally, after drawing bloods they took me for an u/s.  The girl was nice- she asked me if I wanted her to tell me what was going on or if I wanted to wait for the Dr.  I asked her to just tell me.  the sac in my uterus was empty and we had a live ectopic in my left tube.  My God, it had the pole, the yolk sac and a heartbeat.

I think that is the thing I am the hardest time dealing with. My little bean was actually alive, just in the wrong place.  I am just so heartbroken.  I just really am.  I guess this is one more test.  I just feel like we are never going to have a baby.  

So for now, I guess I need to be grateful that I am safe. I just think it is going to take a lot for my heart to heal this time.  

8 comments:

kim said...

I am so, so sorry, Kelly. I am glad you are OK, but this is so heartbreaking. I wish there was a way to move the little guy from your tube into your uterus. So unfair.

Lots of hugs, and just know that we are all praying for you. You will have your take-home baby soon. I just know it.

theworms said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
theworms said...

I can only imagine what you and R are feeling, I'm so sorry. I'm heartbroken for you.

I just don't get it - why?
Another test, how much can we take on this journey to have a family? I don't think either of us is ready to quit but why can't it just work out already?

You'll be in my prayers and we're here if you need anything. (((HUGS)))

oh, sorry for the delete, I had a typo :(

Kristen said...

Oh Kelly, I am so incredibly beyond words sorry. I can't imagine how you and R are feeling right now.

IF is just so cruel in so many ways. It is SOOOO unfair.

Just wanted you to know that I'm here if you want/need to talk, and that you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry ((((HUGS))))

Mrs. Almonds Joy said...

WOW. This is not the news that I know you guys were hoping for. I am so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how heavy your heart must feel. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad you are safe. Bless you, your husband and that little baby.

MJ said...

I am so sorry Kelly, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH.

ladyred said...

I am so, so sorry for your pain. I am so glad you have a plan and can shift your focus right now. I'll keep you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers.