Wednesday, April 8, 2009

What if?

I don't know what is wrong with me.  A feeling came over me today ( which I completely blame my H for ) .  This feeling scares the crap out of me.  I had a case of the "what ifs".

What if it really was just too early?  We did see a sac when we went back on Friday.  No yolk sac, but does that mean we are doomed?  

What if the fact that my beta #s that day were still really high and had continued to double appropriately means we have a chance? 

What if the fact that I have had heartburn the last few nights means that the baby inside of me is growing?

Oh , no.  I don't want to have hope.  Last week just hurt so badly.  I want to steel myself so that if our next ultrasound does not go well, I will not be heartbroken all over again.  I want to pretend this is not happening.

But what if?


Bluebird said...

I have no words. Its a miserable place to be. I can only offer my hugs, thoughts, prayers, and ears to listen.

Kristen said...

I certainly hope all of your "what ifs" turn out to be "definitely is". :-) Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!

MJ said...


Lisa said...

Dont give up!! I am praying for you and your "what ifs"